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Tag Archives: Baha’i Jokes

I can’t take credit for a single one of these. My fellow Baha’i Bloggers BHP, Baquia, Ryan and a few other people I cannot remember deserve all the credit. Just some of my favorites.

You might be a Baha’i if…

…if you see “Some Assembly Required” written on a box and you think it came from a place that needs homefront pioneering.

..if a movie star offers you a night of passion and your response is “Um … can I investigate your character?”

Q: How many Bahá’ís does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Bahá’ís don’t do that. They teach the light bulb and if it wants to transform, it’ll change itself!

Q: Why do Baha’is like cellars?
A: They are not afraid of abasement.

on a similar note

Q: Why is Baha’u’llah the best interior decorator?
A: He can trun abasement into glory!

Q: Why doesn’t Dracula become a Bahá’í?
A: He can’t stop backbiting!

Q: What is the best fruit to serve at a Baha’i engagement party?
A: Cantalope.

You might be the worst Baha’i if…
…You take marshmallows to firesides.
…You’ve taken warning and built a shelter in order to protect yourself from entry by those dreaded troops.

A Baha’i, shipwrecked on a deserted island with two compatriots, finds a magic lamp and runs to share it with his new friends. The Baha’i, a kindly and simple young man, rubs the old oil lamp. Poof, a genie appears! The Baha’i asks the smiling genie if he can have three wishes.

The genie replies “I’m sorry, but the rules say I can only grant one wish to each of you.”

“OK,” says the first friend, I wish for three full treasure chests in my new castle in Aruba!” and poof!, he is gone.

The second friend, a farmer, wishes to return to his family estate, enlarged three times with the richest, most fertile soil in the world, and poof! He is gone.

The Baha’i thinks for a bit, then says, “I’m not sure… I’m really not motivated by material things, so I’d just like to have my two friends back.”

In heaven a long line of souls is waiting before Saint Peter. As each one comes to him he asks them who the Lord of the Age is. A succession of answers come in reply, and a long line of Buddhist and Hindus and Muslims and Christians and Jews walk away. The Baha’i at the end of the line is thinking “Well, I know this one. I’ll be the only one to get it right!”. When the Baha’i gets to Saint Peter, the Saint says ‘Oh, a Baha’i. Ok, here is your question; how do you spell Huququ’llah?” The long line of Buddhists and Hindus and Muslims, etc now has a Baha’i at the end.

A Bahá’í pioneer was trespassing through the jungle of some tropical country, when suddenly he found himself surrounded by naked men with bones through their noses, waving spears.

They tied him up and threw him in a stew-pot, then started piling firewood underneath. Drums sounded.

In desperation, the pioneer began reciting the “remover of difficulties” prayer. Suddenly the drumming stopped. One cannibal looked at another and said “Hey guys! I think we’ve just found the ninth member of our LSA!”

True Story: The Master owned two donkeys. No other person wanted these two donkeys, but the Master loved them like his own children. The first donkey he named Lightning, and he had been rejected by everyone else because no one could get him to move – except the Master. The second donkey he named Thunder, he had stomach problems.

Q: How did Ábdu’l-Bahá pay for his trip to America?

A: With MasterCard

Q: Why aren’t Bahá’ís allowed to be dry cleaners?

A: Because blessed is the spot.

Remember, laughter is not sac religious, the Blessed Beauty wrote a tablet in which he referred to God as the Humorist. I have only literally laughed out loud a few times on the internet, half of those times came from these jokes.

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